Wanderers in Eternity – Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
AJITH
1983
Ajith who was sitting on the front seat of the jeep looked at the passing scenery with half closed eyes. All one could see outside was the dreary dry desert sand. In the distance, the mango trees and the palms raised their heads in a blue green. Even the pedestrians were lethargic. The afternoon was welcoming the evening with elongated shadows. The figures of the cattle and the men tiring here and there in the fields appeared as silhouettes to Ajith.
In front of him on the main road were the other jeeps of his army unit. Ajith was in the eighth vehicle in a convoy of twelve jeeps.
Ajith thought of eight as an unlucky number. This was a memory he had brought with him since his early childhood. Ajith received the news of his only brother Lionel’s death on the eighth of April. April 8, 1971. At the time Ajith was eleven years old. His brother was twenty one. At times Ajith wondered whether he and his brother were so far removed from each because of this ten year age difference. He still remembered how his brother coddled him lovingly when he was very small. But as he grew older his brother became very stubborn. Obstinate fool, the eldest in the family, is this how you are growing up? Shouldn’t the eldest child be an example to the younger siblings? Ajith could almost still hear such words that his parents directed at his older brother.
Now looking back, Ajith felt that his brother somehow passed the exams and entered the university to get away from home. After entering the campus, rarely did Lionel come home. Once he mentioned that Peradeniya, where the campus was located, was a thousand times better than Colombo.
Ajith could still remember walking in the Peradeniya botanical gardens when he went to see his brother with his parents. It was indeed a very different and beautiful world. He wondered why such a pretty place full of trees and flowers was not visible anywhere else? Why couldn’t such a world exist everywhere? Suneetha, Ajith’s older sister who was holding his hand during this journey through the wonderland, told him that one day she would live in a house with a garden like that.
Sister Suneetha….. Ajith’s only sister. She had taken her first steps away from him to create such a new world. Last year she got married to a young doctor named Asanka Mallawarachchi. The newly weds were now living in Badulla. Once in a while in the letters she sent home, Suneetha wrote about her garden and the flowering plants she was growing there.
Rarely did Ajith get to see Suneetha’s letters. After joining the army he went home only once in a while. Mother often wrote letters to the army camp. It was from her letters that Ajith got any news about his sister.
Ajith realized that his sister got married on an eighth. Eighth of June to be exact. Though that was a day to celebrate, deep down Ajith felt a sadness that his only sister was leaving the nest forever, to start her new life.
Brother’s body was brought home on the eighth. The news about brother being shot by the police and dumped in a pit was received by father through a friendly inspector in the police force. Those days there was a restlessness everywhere. Even now Ajith could almost hear the wails and moans of sister and mother.
Amidst her tears mother commented that brother followed a wrong path because of his association with bad company. Ajith felt that mother said this out loud as an advise for him as well. “Now, son, don’t you grow up like your brother,” mother said later on. But Ajith did not have the talent to enter the university. Though he studied very hard, he could not even pass the G.C.E O Level in one sitting. He got distinctions only for Buddhism and Math. When he sat for the exam a second time, he passed the subjects of Sinhala and History.
“This one is very good in Math,” mother said lovingly. “Even from a very early age he has been excellent in mathematics.”
This was true. In every test, Ajith received 100% for math. He was the one who taught math even to his older sister.
“I think it is time we sent him to do a course in accounting” father said when Ajith failed O Level for a second time. It was through father’s urging that Ajith joined a special class in accounting.
Here Ajith got friendly with another student named Buddhi Gunasekera . Buddhi always talked about joining the army. It was because of Buddhi that Ajith started getting ideas about the army.
When Buddhi gave up accountancy and joined the army, Ajith also made the same decision. He wanted to take the same path as his friend. Occasionally did Ajith see Buddhi after joining the army.
Buddhi received his training in Diyathalawa. Ajith was there only for a little while and then he was transferred to Ganemulla. During training Ajith faced hardships which he had never ever faced in his life before. To him, that education which he received while crawling in mud under barbed wire., crossing rope bridges, carrying heavy guns facing gunfire was an experience which made him understand more about humanity. But his parents gave their consent reluctantly. Ajith said he wanted to fight for his country. He truly had the intention of fighting for his mother land. It was when his brother’s body was brought home that he learned that his death came about while fighting as a terrorist in a failed revolution.
Though he heard that his brother was shot in the chest he never saw the wound. Lionel’s body was brought home dressed in a funereal outfit. Ajith felt that there was a certain pain and a frustration registered upon his brother’s face. Lionel’s lips were shut tight. His eyes were shut with the eyebrows frowning upward. As if a certain anger were left in those eyes.
When mother and sister wailed out loud, Ajith also cried. But father was stifling his tears.
Once when Ajith went to the garden, he heard something someone said to father. “In a way, Victor you are lucky,” the man said. “Some of the kids’ bodies have not even been found. That principal Jayasekera’s son. There was no body there. They have shot so many in the army camp and buried all together in one pit.”
Father went silent.
Ajith listened while the other man went on talking. “I hear that in some places they gather bodies and pile them up and burn them with rubber tyres. Mr. Meegasthenna told me that there were seven bodies like that burning on the Kandy road. There were some rubber slippers nearby. Mr.Meegasthenna said that some of these kids had never walked out to the street without slippers on their feet. They were all from well to do respectable families. They have gone astray and have ended up burning in rubber tyre infernos.”
When Ajith heard these words he could see a fire enveloping him. A cold shudder ran through his entire body. Scared by this mental visual he ran into the house. That evening Ajith had a wish high fever.
“Our son had gotten scared by something,” Mallika Henegama told her husband.
“He must have gotten the fever because he misses his big brother,” Ajith heard Victor whispering.
Ajith truly felt the loss of his brother. As if a great gloom of misfortune had covered this entire household and the lives. It was this day that he had the thought that everything was an illusionary dream that ends in death. But he did not understand why such fear came upon him by hearing the word inferno. It was a feeling of burning in a great fire.
He remembered how even as a small child he had run away from the bonfire at the end of the yard where all the refuse was burned. Ajith remembered himself screaming from the bottom of his throat when his brother tried to pick him up once and pretended to throw him in the fire. Did he get the fever now on remembering that incident of a fire connected with his brother? That day, brother got a good beating from their mother for scaring him like that.
Memories about brother renewed within Ajith. Brother’s problems were all over now. But the revolution would not come to an end. There were more news about terrorists raising their heads in south as well in the north.
He had come to Jaffna with an army unit to control such terrorist activities. The Tigers of the North were fear inducing words. Within Ajith there was a sympathy towards the Tamil people in general. They were also suffering because of the threats of the Tiger terrorists. Innocent people were dying because of the their acts. He felt that the Tigers were not human but a cruel animal species. But there was no way one could discern which ones among the people he was passing by were Tigers in human clothing. All that the army could do was try and suppress the Tigers. to go in a convoy like this was itself a courageous act which gave strength to the natives’ hearts. The presence of the army itself was a threat aimed at the terrorists. As he wished that some comfort and service was given to the people by his presence in a uniform, Ajith felt a warmth in his heart. Was not his traveling upon this burning scorching parched earth itself a sacrifice to his motherland and his race?
“Sir, what are you thinking about?” The driver, Manathunga’s voice brought Ajith back to the real world.
“M….no.. I was wondering how courageous these people are to grow everything in this desert and live here.”
“They are clever people, that’s true…. The only fault is that some of them have made that cleverness into evil.”
“Well, Manathunga, some people want to own the earth. In the end we all become dust in the same earth.”
“Looks like you have no desire for any of this, sir.”
“Why be greedy, Manathunga? But at a certain age, one thinks that one can change the entire world with a revolution. My only elder brother thought like that and destroyed his life.”
” When was that?”
” In 1971… Just as the revolution was breaking.”
Manathunga made a “Chack ” noise. “Look, sir we all know of someone who died like that. Just like the story of Kisa Gothami. No one of us can find a mustard seed from a house where no one had died.”
“Where are we now?”
“Just before Achchuveliya. There you can see the bridge and the sea.”
“How good this area would be if it was a little cooler? Then the trees would grow real green and beautiful.”
“That’s why the people who are burning here want half of our country.”
“So is there any restrictions for anyone to go anywhere?”
I don’t know, sir. The situation is getting worse by the minute.”
in the silence Ajith remembered the two dead bodies he saw yesterday morning at Point Pedro. One was that of a police sergeant. The other body was that of a man suspected of spying and supplying information to the army. Both were Tamils. Both had died in the hands of terrorist of their own race. Near the bicycle of the police sergeant was his headless body. Scattered around were his arms and legs. His head was a little further away on a mound of sand. The other’s hands and feet had been tied and he had been shot in the mouth. From that gunshot his skull had been blown to pieces. On seeing this gruesome sight several people threw up. Ajith also vomited. Earlier in Puttur, he had seen people hanging from lampposts. Ajith felt that the people in Colombo had not yet realized the gravity of the terrorist acts in the North.
For what sort of victory were these people killing their own? It was on facing such gruesome scenes that he felt that the situation was getting worse day by day.
When a large group went about carrying guns there was a strength in the number. One could feel that one could face the Tiger terrorists and fight with them to the end and win. But when would this fighting ever be over?
The convoy of jeeps passed Putthur and went on towards Niveli. Gradually, the sun turned westward. The golden glow was covering everything as if to hide the human emotions such as sorrow, fear and pain. But some of the buildings that were bathed in the golden hue were half burned down. Or else there were bullet holes disfiguring them. These were views that could not be camouflaged by the golden light of the sun.
Before reaching Niveli the caravan of jeeps suddenly stopped. The cellular phone message from the front revealed that there was engine trouble in one of the vehicles ahead.
All the soldiers got out of the vehicles and started to walk about. Though their guns were not drawn they were ready at any moment. No one wanted to venture too far. In being together there was a strength and a courage.
Ajith also got down from his jeep with Manathunga. Some lit up cigarettes. Ajith was a non-smoker. Looking to the right of the vehicle he noticed a tobacco field not too far away. A boy who came out of a nearby hut kept staring in fear and doubt. Ajith guessed that the boy must be about ten or eleven years old. He wore only a short sarong. His dark body was skinny. A certain sympathy was born within Ajith towards the boy. “We come and go. But this little one has to face this war every single day and keep living here.” Ajith thought.
In the next moment, a woman’s voice came out of the hut. “Vasantharaja… Enga vanga….”
The boy kept staring at the jeeps. Though Ajith felt like waving his hand, he could not do it. Why was he so drawn towards the kid? The woman who called out once more now came to the door. Her tanned face was bathed in the golden sunlight. She was wearing a purple skirt that reached below her knees and a yellow blouse with sleeves to her elbows. Seeing her the child said something to her kiddingly and ran towards the road.
A soldier drew his gun without a second thought.
“Don’t” someone yelled out loud.
The boy came smiling and sat on the hardened dry earth.
Saying something, the woman came towards the road. With one hand she shaded her eyes. The boy was sitting almost in front of Ajith.
“Gentlemen, I am taking my child away, O.K.?” The Tamil woman spoke in very clear Sinhala marveling several men who were nearby.
For a moment, Ajith’s eyes stopped at the woman’s eyes. With some attraction they stared at each other. Ajith had no idea what this magnetic force was. She was a young woman. Her tanned face was beautiful. But what was this magnetic draw which he did not find in any other woman so far? Where has seen this mother and child before?
“Sir,” the woman said again. “Sir, do you know me?”
“Your face looks familiar,” Ajith replied effortlessly. But where? and when?
“Like you know me?”
“N..No.”
“Your face looks familiar to me, sir…. we have gone to Colombo. We have relatives in Colombo.”
“Where?”
“In Wellawatta…. come here, Vasantharaja.”
“Wellawatta?…. No we are from Nugegoda.”
“Oh? we also lived in Nugegoda, sir. When I was very small.” Her eyes were filling with tears.
She bent down to draw the boy towards herself. When the boy’s arms were raised, Ajith saw the birth mark on his chest. Because of the dark skin it was not very visible.
Holding the boy’s arm, the woman hurried back towards the hut. As she turned around several times, Ajith also kept looking at her as if in a trance.
“Why sir? Did she steal your heart?” Manathunga asked with a smile.
“NO ..no. It looks like a very familiar face. I must have seen them in Colombo.”
“You are from Nugegoda, aren’t you. sir?
“Yes.”
“That woman said that she lived in Nugegoda.”
A whistle announced that all the vehicles were ready to move on. The tobacco leaves rustled in a gentle breeze.
Ajith could see the woman and the boy entering the hut beyond the tobacco plants. He wondered what their life must be like.
What could her name be? Where was her husband? What would he look like? Does he treat her with love and respect? How much love she must have for that boy? How did she end up here in Niveli? Were her parent in the same house? Who is she? Who is she? Even after getting into the jeep, he kept looking at the hut.
The young woman was seen coming to the door and standing there. Ajith was sure that she was staring at him. Her figure far away was bathed in the golden sunlight. If she were a goddess that would be her temple. Ajith exhaled lengthily and tried to ease his heart as the vehicle started its journey.
As they sped away, a tremendously heavy loneliness was born within his heart. Who was she to steal his heart?
For a very long distance, it was the image of the farm in Niveli and the young woman’s figure that haunted him. Not that the little boy was also not in his memory. But there was a fear in him towards the boy. It was because of the way the boy looked at him once. In that stare was a repulsion. If love and hate were two sides of the same coin, then the myriad of feelings born within him were nothing to be amazed of. In this attraction within him was a pain in one way. It was an inexplicable emptiness.
When the army unit reached the Jaffna camp it was nighttime. After taking a cold shower Ajith had dinner with the other soldiers in the mess hall. But this night he did not feel very hungry.
As they passed Niveli he got a headache. Another short distance away, what he noticed stronger than ever was the smell of petrol fumes emitted by the vehicles. All of a sudden he could not bear this stink any longer. His head was reeling. After arriving at the camp he showered hoping this would help in easing the pain. But there was no release from the heaviness in his head.
“Looks like you are drawn to that Tamil woman, sir,” when Manathunga said on the road, Ajith forced a smile on his lips. “You cannot trust any of them, sir. We don’t know which one is a Tiger.”
“That’s true.”
These words bothered Ajith as well. Though she talked with him very friendly in Sinhala she alone knew her own conscience. Is it possible that she was aiding the terrorists? Can’t her husband be a Tiger?
“Here’s someone I know!” while he was playing with his plate of rice and contemplating, Ajith heard a familiar voice and looked up.
” Buddhi! what are you doing here?”
“We came here this evening.” Seeing Buddhi’s face was such a joy to Ajith.
“I thought I will never see you again.”
“Two more units were sent here,” Buddhi said as he sat next to Ajith on the bench. “The situation is getting worse.”
“We will do what we can”
“So, so?” Buddhi hugged Ajith. “It’s like seeing my parents. Are you eating or just playing with your food?”
“I have a headache.”
“Eat, eat. And take two Panadols. That will ease off the headache.”
“I took some already.”
“Let’s go get some fresh air.”
“Have you had dinner?”
“Yeah, we are all taken care of. Let’s go get some fresh air and you will be O.K.”
Actually when Ajith came outdoors and started talking with Buddhi, the heaviness in his head faded away. There was a lot for them to talk about. They stayed in the open air for a long time chatting. All around them was quietness. Once in a while they could hear the footsteps of soldiers on the ground. The sound of the waves and the wind that rustled the palm leaves came from beyond the walls like a comforting song. But everyone knew that danger was lurking nearby like the embers under the ashes.
Though Ajith and Buddhi talked about many different things there was one thing that Ajith did not mention to his friend. That was about the young woman he saw earlier that day in a farm in Niveli. While talking with Buddhi, Ajith forgot about her momentarily. But that night while sleeping he dreamt about a woman like her. He saw her coming towards him while waving at him. Ajith woke up with an uneasy feeling. In seeing her in a dream was a happiness as well as a sorrow.
After this, for several days he forgot everything because of his duties. Since there was another enemy attack in Chankanai he had to take part in the defense. Though several soldiers were injured no one died in the fight. The army managed to take in a few of the terrorists into custody.
After this attack, Ajith had a little time to rest. One day as he walked out of the camp he saw two familiar figures coming towards him. It was that woman from the farm, with her son by her side. She was holding his hand.
“Oh, sir…. do you remember me, sir?”
“Oh, yes…. in Niveli…….,”
“That’s right, sir. I remembered your face. Your eyes….,”
“Why? What happened?” Hiding the affection he was feeling towards her he inquired.
“Oh, sir. My man, Shivankaram was taken by the police. When I go to the police they say he was handed over to the army. Please help me, sir. Then I remembered you, sir. I inquired from several people, but nobody told me anything. From yesterday I have been waiting, and waiting, hoping that you would come this way.” She kept on babbling.
“Slow down. Come over here.” Ajith led her to the shade of a nearby tree. Her son was still scowling at him. Though Ajith touched his chin and gently shook it and smiled, the boy turned his face away with loathing and hid behind his mother.
“Now tell me what happened?”
This time the woman slowed down as she spoke. Her husband, Shivankaram had been taken into custody under the suspicion of him being a Tiger. The police accused him of taking part in the Chankanai attack. Since there was no word of him after two days had lapsed, she had gone to the police to inquire about him. The police officials had told her that Shivankaram had been handed over to the army. But the army was of no help to her. All this time, she had hung around outside the camp, hoping to see Ajith whom she had spoken to the other day. She revealed to Ajith that since she felt there was compassion and understanding within him that she was hoping that he could help her.
“Let me go find out,” saying this, Ajith turned around to go. “What is the name?”
“Shivankaram Appadurai.”
“No, I mean your name?”
“I…I am Janaki, Sundaram.” Her words were like a bolt of lightning that struck him in the brain. He felt a certain attraction in her name. “Janaki Sundaram.”
Sundaram meant beautifull. There was a certain beauty in her name.
While Janaki and Vasntharaja stayed under the shade of the tree outside the camp, Ajith went into the office and checked on all the names of the people that were taken into custody after the attack in Chankanai. But there was no such name as Shivankaram Appadurai.
“Some times they give false names,” Colonel Wanigasekera who showed the list to Ajith said. “What we have is the names given by them. We also have the a.k.a. names as well. All the aliases.”
In reality some prisoners had two or there different names. Ranganadan a.k.a. Karappuvelu. Samivel a.k.a. Thimuran. Etc. etc. etc.
Ajith went out and asked Janaki about this “Does Shivankaram have any other names?”
” I don’t know, sir. At home we call him Shivankaram. His mother calls him Weeran.” But Ajith did not see a name such as Weeran.
Janaki’s eyes were full of tears.
“I will inquire some more,” Ajith promised.
“Oh, sir. A lot of merit to you, sir. He is this boy’s father. I also know the sorrow of not having a father,” She started to cry nonstop.
“Don’t cry,” Ajith blurted out without a second thought. “Crying won’t bring him back.”
Though Janaki wiped her tears with the sash of her sari, her tears renewed.
All of a sudden the boy leapt forward and muttered something. Ajith vaguely heard the words as “Kallan-Kill you.” Janaki yelled at the kid. “Oh, sir. This boy is growing up no good.”
“Did he say he will kill?”
“No, sir he said Maram, maram. Maram means this tree. This tree.” She pointed towards the tree. “Ketta podiyan.. you bad boy!” She yelled at the boy some more. “Please, sir, could you inquire a little more? I will come again to see you.”
“I will do the best I can.” Ajith said this without really knowing how much he could do. This was not a promise. “Give me your home address.”
The address in Neveli which Janaki gave him, Ajith wrote down in his notebook. While doing this, from the corner of his eye, he could see her looking at him. He started to sweat as never before. When Janaki fanned with her sari sash, he could feel the blowing breeze slightly. He wondered whether she did that fanning purposely to fan him as well.
Suddenly, Vasantharaja started to run away. “Come here,” Janaki shouted.
“Enaku vare eladu,” the boy yelled back from afar.
“He is not coming back, sir. I am going too, sir.”
“Does the boy understand Sinhala?”
“A little bit, sir. I still have the book I learned from when I was small. I taught him some Sinhala. And he learned some in Wellawatte as well.”
“That is good. When I was young I learned some Tamil as well. Now of course I have forgotten most of it.”
“Is that true, sir?”
Ajith replied only with a smile. He remembered how once when he was small he had sung some words of a Tamil song to his mother, which he had picked up somewhere. But now he could not remember those words or the song. Though Janaki forced a smile onto her lips, soon it faded away.
“Oh, sir, please look for my man, sir.”
“Yes. now that I have the address, I will do the best I can. And I will let you know.”
“That would be a great merit to you, sir. we also lived in Nugegoda, sir.” Her eyes were filling with tears once more. “I am going to go now, sir. There’s so much sorrow…”
All at once, she turned around and walked away. A little further she started to run in the hope of catching Vasantharaja. Standing under the shade of the tree, Ajith kept looking at her walking away. She disappeared in a could of dust that was raised by a truck that drove towards the camp. As the dust subsided, he saw her again walking away while holding on to her son’s hand. She turned around one more time. Then she covered her head with the sash of her sari.
An unspeakable sorrow was born within Ajith’s heart. Most of the painful despair was on behalf of Janaki. Though the boy was stubborn, Ajith felt a sympathy towards him as well. It was not unfair that the boy would have an animosity, an anger and a hatred, towards the police and the army because of his father’s disappearance in the hands of the forces, Ajith argued. Though he took a decision to look for Janaki’s husband Shivankaram, he could not keep to his promises.
The reason for this was an unforeseen unfortunate incident that took place that July. An army unit traveling in the town of Jaffna was blown up by a land mine. Even though Ajith was also traveling with this unit, perhaps because of a good fortune the jeep he was in was not the center of this explosion. Only the jeeps at the front of the cavalcade were destroyed by the land mine. Ajith did receive some injuries. A sliver of iron that flew by from somewhere, dug into his left arm. All that Ajith could remember was an echoing loud noise.
He woke up in the hospital in Vavuniya. Colonel Wanigasekara was standing by his bed.
“Thirteen of our men are gone, I say,” As he heard Wanigasekara’s broken voice, Ajith felt a pang in his heart. “The bodies were taken to Colombo last night. Everything is burning up in Colombo.”
“Why is that, Colonel?”
“When our people saw the bodies of our men, our people had gone crazy and they have started to burn down everything that is owned by Tamils. All the shops and the stores.”
“Oh, my,Appey!”
“We sent a massage to your father, letting him know about the condition you are in.”
“I can’t move this arm, sir .” Ajith could feel a pain all down his left arm.
“Is it very painful?”
Yes, sir. Very much so.”
“Let me get you some medicine.”
“Who and who died, sir?”
The colonel muttered several names like a mantra.
Certain names he heard brought great pain to Ajith. “Buddhi Gunasekera….. our driver, Manathunga.”
Ajith cried out loud. Buddhi….. Manathunga ……. It was as if someone had pulled away a piece of his heart. “Oh, sir ….. oh, no!”
“Just a minute, Ajith.” Saying so, Wanigasekera walked away. Ajith could feel the pain in his arm increasing. Now he could feel it right in his heart. As if unable to escape to the out side through the bandages, that pain was now running all through his body. The echo of the explosion was reverberating inside his head.
A nurse who came with Wanigasekera, injected a sedative into Ajith’s buttock. He did not feel the sting of that needle because he was suffering from a greater pain. Buddhi ……Manathunga …… Colombo is on fire …… The Black July ….Deadly July……
Gradually Ajith lulled into unconsciousness. But as he fell into slumber what he saw was Janaki’s face and her tear filled eyes. Out of his lips came the word “Ja…na…ki.”
When with the aid of the narcotic drug he floated into a dream the first thing he saw was Janaki. Her smiling face kept turning round and round as if on a silver screen. After a few revolutions, the face turned into that of a young girl. Then he saw a man holding onto the hand of this little girl and walking. On the man’s head was a large wicker basket. This man had a dark skinny body.
Holding the girl’s hand, the man walked into a shed with a corrugated roof. Inside the shed in the semi darkness stood a woman carrying a little baby. The woman’s face had a similarity to that of Janaki.
The woman handed the baby over to the man. Carrying the baby, the man came out of the shed while the little girl followed him. Outside the shed a muddy canal was flowing. The man holding the baby sat by the canal and fell into a deep reverie.
After this, the dream changed. Ajith saw that man crying. He was now sitting on an asphalt road. Around him was a whole lot of people. All of a sudden, a fire erupted from the middle of the crowd.
Ajith found it hard to breathe. The fire that was leaping up from the center of the crowd slowly changed into a bitter darkness.
Ajith woke up in a cold sweet. Hearing his crazed yelling several people came to his bedside.
” Shell shock.” someone said. “It must be shell shock.”
“Shall we give him another injection, doctor?”
“No, let him sleep like that.”
Hearing such voices Ajith fell into slumber once more. After this he did not have that dream.
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